BEFORE I GO
“Hey Tola, do you know what I love most about you?” I step out of the bathroom with my toothbrush in one hand while I try to squeeze the bottom of the toothpaste tube. To be honest, I’d rather press the tube from the middle, but that is an offense punishable by death in Tola’s book. So every morning, I consciously press the bottom. She says it’s being civilized; I think it’s unnecessary stress.
“Other than the fact that you cannot go a day without me by your side because only God knows what would happen to you?” She takes a break from creating more perfection, wiggles her makeup brush at me, and smiles. It is cocky and deliberate, mocking the fact that she knows the depth of my affection for her. It’s becoming a bit annoying because she knows the power she wields.
She returns to painting her face; I’d be dead if she hears me call it painting. She constantly fusses about the difference between applying makeup and color on a canvas. “Painters add color to plain surfaces; they make things what they are not. On the other hand, makeup highlights your perfection. Do you get me, Temitope?” Those were her words, and oh, she is perfect.
“You are so full of yourself,” I return to the bathroom to finish brushing my teeth. “Wait, you love me because I’m full of myself? And here I am, thinking it is because I have big breasts.” She puts both her hands on her breast and winks at me. “ We both know your breast is everything but big. Pass me my boxers from the drawer, biko.” Her jaw drops, and she throws my boxers to the other end of the room. “ You are going to find a woman with big breasts to sleep beside you tonight,” she points her lip gloss at me and tries to make an angry face which she fails terribly.
“ Smile, Jesus Loves you.” I walk to where my boxers landed and put them on. “And he loves you too, and you are going to need all of that love this night, I promise you.” I start to laugh; she’s cute when she tries to be mad at me, but it doesn’t last. “ Come off it before I bite,” I say as I move closer to her dress-up table. “Eyss, don’t threaten me with a good time, and don’t come near me, dress up for work, young man.” I back off and walk to my table. She is right; if I don’t leave soon, Lagos traffic will laugh at me.
“So, what is it?”
“ What is what, T?”
“What do you love most about me, Mr man?” She is done with her makeup and is looking for what to wear in her wardrobe. I’m sure we picked what she would wear last night, but we do this almost every morning. Tola would go back to our initial choice; she just needs to be Tola.
“I thought you knew already. Why are you still asking?” I buckle my belt and sit to put on my shoes. Tola picks the tie I’d wear anytime I go out but only reveals it to me when I’m ready to step out.
“ You want me to beg you, Temitope?”
“You’ve called me by my full name twice this morning, and it’s not seven yet. What happened to baby, boo, bae? And please, can I have my tie?” The only thing missing is my tie, and she has it hostage.
“You’ll tell me if your name is not Temitope, and I’m not giving you your tie except you tell me what is it you love most about me.” She walks to her drawer and pulls out the tie; it’s a patterned wool tie, part of the gifts she got me for my birthday last year. “ See the tie…,” she wiggles it in my face, “… I. will. not give. you. Start talking, boss.”
“ Fine, what I love most about you is the fact that I can love you like a 60s poet. Tell you things like, I’d wait for you in the stormy blizzard until you find your way home to me. Or say I want to worship the ground you walk on and sip from the glory that is your lips while I’m baptized between your hips without it being cringe. It’s how you throw my boxers to the other end of the room because you’re fake mad at me and how you turn away when you hear me say sweet words to you because you’ve sworn to the heavens I’ll never see when your face turns red.” I’m standing in front of her, looking into her eyes. I want to go on, tell her how her smile causes my heart to compose symphonies, but she kisses me before I can say anything else.
An eternity has passed; she pulls away from me and turns her back to me while her hands cover her face. “But you said my breast is small, Temitope?”
“I didn’t say that,” I protest.
“It’s too early to be lying you this man.” she throws the tie at me.
“I said they are everything, meaning they are perfect. Best pair I’ve ever seen.” She turns abruptly and scans my outfit, or me; at this point, I’m not sure which. “You’re such a Yoruba man; if I did not know better, I’d say you’ve been looking at other women’s breasts.”
“ What I meant….” She interrupts me before I can explain myself. “ I know what you mean, chairman. I have the best pair of breasts in the world. I know, I know. Now go to work before you get there late.” She walks up to me, kisses me on my cheek, and adjusts my tie like the day she did when I got this job and every other day after.
“Alright, I’ll see you by 6. I close early today.” I walk towards the door, ready to conquer the day. As I’m about to step out, I hear my name.
“ Temi, you can sleep beside me tonight.” looking at each other, we both smiled. The ability to be a total moron in her presence is what I live for.
“By the way, all that you said was nonsense. But I like your nonsense.”
