I saw my dad love my mum
I grew up surrounded by love. In the years before my dad died, I watched him love my mum. They laughed so loud when they were together in their room you could hear it from the parlor while you watched everyday people. He’d save her a piece of meat or something from events he went to, and when she got pregnant for my brother, we’d drive around to satisfy all her cravings.
From them, I knew love meant making sure people around you were always happy and comforting them in discomfort, even if it meant driving around Lagos looking for burgers from Sweet Sensation. It meant putting those you care about before you because when they are happy, you feel fulfilled.
When my old man packed his bags and booked a one-way ticket to heaven, I learned there is love in community. At first, we stayed with my granddad for a while, and when we returned home, we returned with a village. There was always an uncle, aunt, cousin, or family friend around. We never felt alone, at least, until everyone went to sleep at night. I learned that sometimes you don’t have to do or say anything; being present is enough.
As I matured in age, different people at various times have tried to play father figure to me; I detested them all. I later realized that was a love I wasn’t willing to accept from anyone. Did I deserve it? Maybe. So here is the logic I used, I felt empty; if I allowed someone else to fill that void, what would happen to how I felt about my dad? Sometimes we don’t want to let go of some things because it symbolizes how we genuinely view ourselves, and discovering ourselves again is hard work.
In my short march in time, I have made amazing friends. Yes, some have come, and some have gone, but everyone processes love differently. Some would stand on top of the roof and scream, “ I love you, “ while others would look at you, smile, and walk away. I know someone who would “have you eaten” you to death. While some talk about Marvel movies with you. Because of the way I saw love growing up, I always thought it had to be loud, and it has caused me to fight with loads of people. It recently clicked that we don’t always express love with boisterous verbal proclaims. Sometimes it comes in whispers.
I grew up surrounded by love. Sometimes I feel like there is no love because it’s not what I’m used to. But it’s there; it’s always there when you’re with your people. Remember that we were made for companionship, and we all need people to be the best we can be. Always extend grace, and learn to meet people halfway.
